A Letter to My Daughter: Quincy’s Birth Story

It’s been WELL over a year since I gave birth to Quincy & this has been something I’ve kept pretty close to my chest. It’s so special to me & I read it often to help keep the details fresh in my memory. It was a day I will absolutely NEVER forget. The day my sweet Quincy Rose joined us.

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I woke up for what seemed like the millionth time to go to the bathroom & right before I climbed back into bed, I felt my water break. My heart stopped. Could it really be happening? On your due date of all days? I’d been waiting what felt like FOREVER & in one literal instance, everything was about to change. I woke up your dad and so started the process.

We took some time at home before rushing to the hospital. I made the bed, we both took showers before double & triple checking our bags. It still didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel like it was really happening. I remember texting a few of our family members – I had been waiting SO long to send them THEE text. “My water broke. We’re going to the hospital! Quincy is coming!” I think about that & I get goosebumps & my eyes well with tears. The anticipation of meeting you was almost too much to take!

Our drive to the hospital was so peaceful. Your dad and I held hands and talked about how we wanted to be as relaxed as possible & to have fun, to be weird, to just be ourselves because I wanted you to enter in the world in a beautiful & loving environment. And to take LOTS of photos & video, because I so badly wanted to remember every moment of the day. I knew it was going to be an emotionally charged day, but I really had no idea what I was in for.

The contractions started and it was unlike anything I’d felt before. I wasn’t prepared for how emotional they would make me. I remember crying & thinking how silly it was that I was crying. It was like with every contraction, I knew we were close to meeting you and I was just SO excited to see you, sweet girl. I could cry just thinking about it. Your dad was so sweet & wonderful. He held my hand and cheered me on through each painful contraction.

The day seemed to drag after I got my epidural and a few of us even took bets on when we thought you would arrive. Aunt Maria guessed 1:15 or 3:32, Nana guessed 6:10, your dad guessed 12:07 or 2:00 & I guessed 2:15 or 4:10. We were all wrong. While the progress was slow, it allowed your dad and me some time to relax and enjoy some moments with our family. Aunt Maria was at the hospital ALL day long and made sure I was comfortable. She couldn’t WAIT to meet you & officially become an auntie!

Around 5:00 I felt like I was ready to start pushing. Aunt Maria touched up my makeup because I insisted that I wanted to look pretty for you when you arrived, silly I know! A few of our family members where in the room & right as they were about to leave, your dad asked if we could all pray together for me. I immediately started sobbing, because it was so thoughtful of him & it just moved me on such a deep level. Sitting in the delivery room, joined in prayer, I felt the Lord. He was there in the room with us & it was so powerful. He has been so incredibly good to our family and the day you were born was no exception.

I began to push around 5:00 that evening. We had music playing in the background & even had a little dance party in between contractions. Again, your dad is my hero. He would feed me ice chips, and stick my eucalyptus essential oil under my nose between each contraction. He held my hand & cheered me on, telling me my contractions were “off the charts!” I would never have been able to give birth without him. Experiencing that with your dad was something I’ll absolutely never forget. It brought us so much closer, such a unifying experience for our relationship.

After pushing and praying for your arrival for about an hour and a half, the nurse told me I was about 3 contractions away from meeting you – I couldn’t believe it! I had almost reached the finish line & it wasn’t NEARLY as awful as I thought it was going to be. Well… little did I know.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, my doctor was unable to be there the day you were born & I would be using the doctor on call. RIGHT as I was geared up to give birth, I was told I had to wait. Which meant no pushing. Which meant breathing through each painful contraction. I told myself I could do it, I could wait 5 or maybe 7 minutes. Well, 20ish minutes later I was tired of waiting. I told the nurse to get the doctor in here or I was delivering my baby without him. Thankfully he FINALLY arrived, and that’s when all the action started. I continued to push push push. I was trying SO hard & it didn’t seem to be making much of a difference. The doctor told me that with each contraction your heartbeat was dropping. I went into full mama bear mode & pushed like I had never pushed before. And then I felt it. I felt you being born. I honestly don’t know how to explain it other than euphoric. You arrived at 7:05pm.

They lifted you up & I saw you for the first time. I totally & completely melted. They put you on my chest and I lost it. I couldn’t stop sobbing. You were here, you were healthy & I was able to hold you. Even covered in all the goo & gunk, I couldn’t stop kissing you. I looked up at your dad and he was a total mess too. In fact, it was the first time I ever saw him cry. To say we were wrapped around your fingers from the very first moments of your life is a total understatement. You changed us in a way we didn’t even know was possible. It shook me to my core & I won’t ever be the same person. You made me a mom and with that came a love I had no idea existed. It’s depth, it’s breadth, I cry just thinking about it.

Some other unfortunate events transpired, that if you REALLY want to know someday, I’ll tell you. But for now, just know that some scary things happened & I was rushed to the operating room. Once again, your dad was right there by my side, never leaving me for a second. Once I was finally back with you, I didn’t want to let you go. You slept on my chest for the better part of the first two months of your life. You changed our lives since the MOMENT you arrived and haven’t stopped since. Quincy Rose, you are so special to us & I will NEVER be able to put into words the love I have for you. You’ll understand someday though when you have your own baby. You’ll realize the impact it has on your life & you’ll come to me and say, “I totally get it. I totally understand how you feel.”

I promise to love you fiercely each and every day of your life and to be your biggest & loudest cheerleader. You have my heart forever tiny one!

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