Stay Right Here

What you see in this photo is a little angel baby sleeping. What you don’t see is the MILLION things running through my head.

There is a mound of laundry that needs to be washed & an even BIGGER mound of laundry that needs to be put away.

I haven’t seen our basement floor in weeks, I should really go pick up & organize.

When was the last time I washed my hair??? Too long ago to remember.

I really should get ahead on some work items to prepare for my upcoming maternity leave.

I haven’t made a single meal all week for my family, I should REALLY do some meal prepping tonight.

Oh my gosh, this child is a sweat machine…I can feel her hair sticking to me.

What is that smell? Oh my gosh…is that me?? I really should shower.

I have been meaning to pick up & organize the office, it’s such a cluster & stresses me out every time I go in there.

Speaking of cleaning, that microwave. Freakin’ gross.

And the dishes, how is there legit ALWAYS dishes to be washed?!

The dogs…those poor dogs, they get zero attention, I should go hang out with them in the basement.

My sweet baby though. She needs me. I tried to lay her down like normal & she just said in her crib & cried for her mama. She is literally crying for me…just me.

So while I have a laundry list (pun intended) of things to do I’ll go back into her room & snuggle her some more. I’ve been wanting these precious moments back for what seems like forever & now here it is.

Here’s my chance to be her calm. To be her peace, her comfort & her safe place. Here is the opportunity to hold her while she falls asleep. I’ve been praying for a moment like this for so long. Soon she’ll feel better & soon she won’t want me to hold her until she falls asleep. She’ll be back to her independent self & I’ll feel that sting of rejection when she reaches for her crib to go night-night instead of reaching for me.

Her brother will be here in about a month and a half & while I am so thankful for the gift of another baby, I am so anxious for what my relationship with Quincy will look like & how it will change. How I won’t have her & only her to worry about. How I can’t just sweep her up in my arms & snuggle her for over an hour while she sleeps & snores in my arms.

So yes, while I need to shower, do the dishes, fold & put away the laundry, clean & organize the office, cook food for my family, love on my fur babies or check off the million other items on my neverending to-do list, I’ll wait for another time.I’ll breathe in her smell & soak in her sweaty hair & memorize the way it feels with her arms wrapped around my neck.

How she slightly murmurs “mom” and I know it’s because she feels safe & she feels at home. I’ll whisper one more prayer over her tiny, but growing, body & I’ll squeeze her just enough to feel that closeness but without waking her up. I’ll lay her in her crib & stare at her little cherub sleeping face & I’ll cry because I love her so much it hurts.

Motherhood is such a funny thing. Your love is so big & so strong, sometimes it’s hard to know what to do with all of it. But man oh man, what an unbelievable gift it is to love someone so deeply.

Thanks for stopping by, friends!

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