My heart is overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with peace. Today has been one of the most beautiful days. Family, love, comfort, peace, quiet, laughs, smiles, snuggles, baby giggles & so much incredible goodness.
These sweet moments that I’ve been so fortunate to experience are the ones that I prayed and longed for in those dark days when I struggled so deeply with postpartum depression. Remembering that time is so weird for me. It feels like an entire lifetime ago, almost like it didn’t happen to me, but rather someone I know. And at the same time, I can close my eyes & remember the physical pain I felt being so out of control of my own body and emotions. There is an immediate pit in my stomach remembering.
Tonight, I rocked my baby boy and fed him in the dark as we listened to the rain outside. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming because THIS moment, it was so absolutely perfect & everything I had been dying for when he was younger. I can’t believe that God chose me to be his mama, but I am so dang thankful. I felt my heart swell with so much love, joy, thankfulness, every positive piece of goodness, it just oozed right out of me tonight.
I couldn’t keep it to myself, because I know there are other moms out there that are experiencing those dark & stormy days of postpartum. It’s isolating, it’s scary, it feels like you’re drowning like you won’t have a happy moment ever again. It’s wanting to go home, but not knowing what home is. It absolutely wrecks havoc on your soul. To those moms that are in the thick of it – you dear, sweet precious mamas, I feel for you. I am here for you. I am praying for YOU. You are not alone.
It doesn’t feel like it, but sunny days are ahead. Brighter days are surely on the horizon. It doesn’t feel like it, I know it doesn’t, but I promise you, the days will slowly start to get better & then one night you’ll be sitting there rocking your precious gift from God & you’ll get that feeling. The one I’m trying & failing to describe. It’s as if your entire body is smiling & crying tears of joy all at the same time. It overwhelms you.
It’s there, I promise, those days are ahead of you. Stay brave, mama. You are incredible, you are resilient and you are so dang strong.