Love Languages: Acts of Service

Cinderelly, Cinderelly! Night & day, it’s Cinderelly! Make the fire, fix the breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping & the sweeping & the dusting! They always keep her hopping!

I wonder, do you think Cinderella’s wicked stepmother is REALLY wicked or do you think her Love Language is Acts of Service? Okay…far stretch I know, but even the villains need some love.


This Love Language is pretty cut & dry. However, Dr. Chapman comes in clutch (per usual) with his wealth of knowledge. “No one likes to be forced to do anything. Love is always freely given.” I talked about it in the first Love Language article, Word of Affirmation, but how many times have you demanded something of someone & they’ve done it with a happy & willing heart? Pretty much…NEVER! So why would it be any different in marriage and more specifically in this specific Love Language?

To speak this Love Language, you’re going to need a servant’s heart. After all, a person whose Love Language is Acts of Service, they crave and desire so strongly, a spouse that will serve them & serve them well. That’s not to say they’re looking for a servant – but someone to help around the house. I mean…Cinderella’s wicked stepmother wasn’t so far off. Household chores like doing the dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, mopping, the hundred thousand loads of laundry, those are things that will fill up your spouse’s love tank!

And if household chores aren’t your jam, or if those items aren’t important to your spouse, maybe it’s something else? Taking the car in for an oil change (I absolutely loathe doing this – even though it takes like 15 minutes total), walking the dog, or one of my favorites – when Jordan gets Quincy in the morning so I can sleep in for an extra few minutes. Glorious, glorious sleep!

If you’re STILL stumped – ask your spouse to write down a few things they want help with & then get to gettin’. When Acts of Service are done with a positive & happy heart – BIG WIN!

Doormat or Lover

It’s worth saying, there is a thin line between loving your spouse by doing acts of service & being a doormat. Everyone knows what a doormat is used for – walking on, cleaning your shoes, sitting in your laundry room unwashed for God knows how long… Your spouse can absolutely NOT be treated like a doormat. If your spouse loves to love you well & loves to help you out, take a beat & appreciate that, because that is one special human being! Don’t take them for granted & don’t walk all over them. That will breed hurt, resentment & will eventually blow up later down the road. It’s not good for you & it’s not good for your spouse. End of story!

So…if you’re still not sure what to do if your spouse’s Love Language is Acts of Service, well check out these 8 easy ideas below!

Tidbits if Your Spouse’s Love Language is Acts of Service*

*For the most part, I’m summarizing what they say in the book. If you want more in-depth examples, get yourself a copy!

  1. You can serve your spouse by serving others as well! Do they have an older relative that needs assistance? Or maybe you take the family pet on a walk?
  2. Leave yourself a helpful reminder! Use notecards & jot down one Act of Service for each day; taking out the trash, unloading & loading the dishwasher, making a trip to the grocery store. Whatever you think would make your spouse happy!
  3. Get your spouse involved! Have them write down a list of 10 things & have them prioritize them. Over the next month, start checking each item off the list. This is not my primary Love Language, but I would be SO stoked if Jordan completed a list of 10 Honey-Do items in one month!
  4. If you have kiddos, get them involved as well! Helpful hint: Block out more time than you think, chores with little ones usually takes longer than you think. But they’ll be so excited to surprise their mom or dad with a job well done!
  5. If your spouse is in the military or away on an extended work trip, document you & the family working on acts of service & send your loved one a photo! They’ll love seeing photos of their family & knowing that things are still being done around the house.
  6. Make sure your requests are worded in a kind & loving way. Rather than saying, “When will you get around to the dishes already?” try saying, “I wanted to thank you ahead of time for doing the dishes so the kitchen sink stays clean!”
  7. If you’ve got deeper pockets, maybe look at hiring someone to help out with the chores you and/or your spouse tend to put off for long periods of time. Lawn care? Check! Laundry and cleaning? Check!
  8. If there’s a big game or a new episode of the Bachelor on, what a wonderful way to serve your spouse by letting them enjoy it without having to lift a finger!

My FAVORITE Act of Service Jordan does for me – makes coffee, every. single. morning. Can I get an AMEN?! Do you have some other ideas for serving your spouse with an Act of Service? I’d like to hear! Drop a note below in the comments 🙂  

NEWS FLASH! You have 4 more days to enter my first ever GIVEAWAY! Because books & coffee go hand in hand, I’m giving ONE lucky person a $10 Starbucks gift card & a copy of the 5 Love Languages book! Make sure you’re following me on both Instagram & Facebook so you can participate. I’ll announce the winner on my social media accounts on Sunday, February 24th at 8pm.

Words of Affirmation Blog
Quality Time Blog
Receiving Gifts Blog
Rise Together Podcast with Dr. Gary Chapman

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